There is a story about two monks on pilgrimage when they come to the ford of a stream. A young woman, dressed in all her finery, was standing there wanting to cross over but afraid to try in case she gets her very expensive clothes wet. She asks the two monks for help and one picks her up in his arms and carries her across. Putting her down on the other side she offers her sincere gratitude and goes on her way. The two monks continue their journey but the second monk is strangely quiet until a couple of miles further down the road he can contain himself no more and berates the other for his deed as the monk’s rules forbid a monk to touch a woman.

When the second monk gets to the end of his tirade the first replies, “ I put her down on the other side of the ford but it appears you are still carrying her”.

From time to time we all have the experience of something niggling me and I can think of nothing else. I get all hot under the collar about it and rehearse scenarios with imaginary figures in my imagination. What sort of things set off these obsessional thoughts? It can be a perceived wrongdoing as in the above story – usually that directly affects me. It might be an anxiety about something that may be due to happen, an interview or a difficult meeting. It could be that I want something so badly nothing else seems to matter any more. Whatever it is there is always a strong emotional power underlying such thinking. This emotional power always tends to distort our experiences magnifying grievances out of all proportion and gives urgency and importance to otherwise trivial matters. If challenged about it I might confess that ‘I can’t let it go’. But a closer truth is that – it has got me! An obsession cannot be put down by an act of will.

There are only two ways that such obsessions can be de-fused. One is by exhaustion. In this, the energy is channelled into some physical activity that exhausts the body and so depletes the energy available to feed the obsessive thoughts. At this point it may be possible to effect a change of heart but there is always the possibility that the basic view being unchanged will allow the obsession to return. The other way is simply to ‘stew’ in the affect without, as much as possible, allowing it to interfere with other activities. In other words practice restraint or as the saying goes to show some stiff upper lip. Nowadays, there is a myth that the stiff upper lip is harmful but this is only true if the affect is denied i.e. is not felt. There is a middle way to dealing effectively with emotional turmoil and that is to feel it inside, consciously and yet as much as possible not let it out. A strong charge can be hard to hold but if it is it does not last forever and soon fades away. The benefit is that we are less neurotic and driven by impulses and at the same time begin to build up reserves of inner strength and fortitude that serve us, and those around us, well. People who are less driven by impulses are more stable and reliable and able to face up to difficulties that may be encountered in life. Surely in a world such as ours tolerance, like charity, must start at home if we are to effect any lasting change?